


I'll Stop Tomorrow

by 19alicesugden99



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19alicesugden99/pseuds/19alicesugden99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my first fic so sorry if it is no good, or if you think it is too much I  will take it down! After hearing something Aaron and Adam say at the scrapyard, he does something to make him feel better...<br/>Does contain descriptions of eating disorders at the end, if you could find this triggering in any way please do not read :)<br/>Multi chapter fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Stop Tomorrow

Robert gazed into the mirror, his eyes settling on the diamond shaped scar that settled in the centre of his chest. He allowed his fingers to briefly settle on it before whipping them away just as quick, the sing still evident even all this time after the shooting. He lowered his view down along his stomach, letting out a breath and slowly lifting his hand to feel his stomach. He’d let himself go a little since the shooting, but it’s not like he had anyone to impress. Until now. Him and Aaron had only just got back together, and after all Aaron had gone through he deserved someone special, but staring into his figure in the mirror he couldn’t avoid the hurt and shame settling in his gut, thinking that that could not be him. Surely he could never match up to Aaron, Aaron with his toned body through years on manual work on the scrap yard, but him. No, he gazed in the mirror the only thing he saw reflecting back at him was an undeserving body for Aaron’s affection, ugly even.   
Suddenly becoming very aware of his body he immediately reached over to his chest of draws and went to get changed, getting a pair of jeans before stopping, seeing how closely they would fit to his body, instead, he reached out and grabbed a pair of joggers, pulled them on and saw how they didn’t fit around his body, helping him to relax a little more. Again, reaching in he took a blue shirt, but once it was buttoned on he saw that he could see a slight raise in him stomach, immediately pulling it off and replacing it with a black t-shirt, then a black hoddy on top of that. Just because Aaron had to suffer with his body, doesn’t mean anyone else has to see it, he thought.   
Soon Aaron shouting up the stairs shook him from his thoughts; ‘Rob, come on or you’ll be late’, before he managed to think too deeply and he quickly grabbed his phone and ran down the stairs, using his hand to cover his stomach as he did.   
‘Don’t you have work today’ Aaron asked after seeing Roberts’s joggers in barely more than a grunt;  
‘Erm, er y-yeah’ he stammered out, mentally kicking himself, ‘great’ he thought; ‘now he’ll think I’m even more pathetic’   
Breakfast had never seemed that long to Robert his whole life, whilst until this morning he would love to spend this alone time with Aaron, he now couldn’t escape the feeling that Aaron was with him out of guilt, after all he thought, who would want someone like him?  
He ate his normal breakfast, trying to ignore the voices inside of him that were tearing him apart. It wasn’t till Aaron had left that he allowed himself to be swallowed up in these thoughts again, then he had an idea. Surely, the only way to stop feeling, and looking like this was to-  
Robert cut himself off from his thoughts, ‘no, don’t be silly’ he said aloud to himself, he wasn’t even going to think about going down that route again. However, as he allowed his gaze to drift into the mirror in the living room, his whole body suddenly felt as though it weighed one hundred times more, like he was being pulled to the centre of the earth by these thoughts that plagued his mind. Staring at the clock, he willed himself to get up, go to work, but now he suddenly felt ashamed, what if others had already thought these things about him and he was too blind to notice, or even worse, Aaron had thought it? Suddenly feeling even more vulnerable, he got up and walked back up the stairs, and climbed into the bed, wrapping himself up in the duvet until you could barely see the fluffs of blond hair coming out the top, he wrapped his arms around his legs and rolled himself onto his side, shielding himself away from the world, shutting his eyes and willing himself to go back to sleep to part him from the thoughts that clogged his mind.   
Robert awoke three hours later to an empty house, rolling over he scrambled for his phone checking for any messages. None, well, hardly surprising is it he thought to himself. Once he rolled himself out of the bed he went to make his way to the scrap yard, seeing Aaron would make everything better surely? As he was imagining this, he told himself, ‘Aaron loves me’ he repeated to himself a couple of times while he walked down the stairs, however it was occurring to him that he’d never actually said it, and now he was starting to see why for himself.   
Walking into the scrap yard, still in his joggers and walking with his arms folded across his stomach, he allowed his gaze to settle on Aaron, he was smiling, something that was rare but becoming even more frequent which was enough to shift his mood a little, only momentarily though. He was laughing, really laughing with Adam, joking about whatever, or, no – it wouldn’t be him for sure? Robert immediately kicked himself for even thinking that, of course they wouldn’t, but what they said next convinced him;  
‘He looks horrendous’ he heard Aaron say, followed by Adam laughing  
‘Yeah, I don’t know how you could bare to go out in public with it’  
Robert felt his chin trembling, and his eyes immediately swimming with pools of burning tears. He felt as though every light in the world had been switched off and the world had collapsed in on him. He span around and stood behind a scarp car, not within earshot to hear Aaron’s next words;   
‘Yeah but I’m going to have to drive it back to the owners, even though it does look like trash!’ he said while climbing into it, starting the engine as he did.  
Robert slid to his knees behind a scrap car, the shaking making him unable to stand, he got his index and middle finger, already making his mind up and placed them in his mouth, throwing up this morning’s breakfast, while he fell forward on his knees, kneeling in the pile of sick, still sobbing tearless sobs as he rocked himself back and forth, headed tucked in between his knees as he felt the hot sting begin to form again behind his eyes as he let his emotions run away with him, not noticing the car drive past him as he did.   
To be continued


End file.
